Rants

I watched The Wicker Man over New Year’s weekend and to put it bluntly… it sucked. Now allow me expand on that since there are many levels of sucking when it comes to movies. Not only was this movie a poor remake of the orignal version made back in 1975 but it moved so slowly that you literally lost interest in it half way through the movie and just started hoping it would be over soon. While Nicholas Cage did give a great performance in this film, his work was wasted on a subpar script and a less than stellar supporting cast. Honestly, about the only redeeming quality of this film other than his performance was the great work they did creating the atmosphere for the movie. The location, the costumes, the sets, etc. all put in the mindset that this place was different from everywhere else you’ve ever been/seen. Whoever did that work deserves a big pat on the back for his/her amazing imagination.

All in all, I wouldn’t recommend this movie to anyone. And before you say “It can’t be THAT bad can it?” let me say that my wife feels the same way I do and she said the same thing. Oddly enough, we rented it because a friend of hers said someone they knew loved the film and highly recommended it. I don’t know who this jackass was or to what degree his blindness impairs his vision, but he needs a stiff kick in the head for every telling someone to watch this movie… especially me.

The wife and I watched Beerfest on Friday night and to be honest I expecting more from the boys over at Broken Lizard. Many people know them from their first (and best if you ask me) movie Super Troopers while others may know them from their second movie Club Dread. Beerfest is a definitely an improvement over the dismal piece of crap that Club Dread was, but it’s still not on par with Super Troopers. Now that I’ve seen Broken Lizard’s third installment I have to start to wonder if Super Troopers was just “lightening in a bottle” that will never be equaled. Either way, on to the review of this particular film:

Beerfest is basically the story of four guys who spend a year training to compete in an underground beer drinking competition in Germany in order to defend their family’s honor. While that premise may sound like it would lend itself to a very funny movie, in the end it fails to deliver. The characters are great (as usual) and the way they interact is fantastic, but story itlsef seems to drag them down… robbing them of their comedic value in many ways. I’d actually have to say some of the funniest shit in the movie is done during the main DVD menu whose backdrop is the guys in character doing a press conference about their time at Beerfest. I highly recommend you spend several minutes listening to this as most of this stuff is gold my friends. Back to the actual movie, the other problem with this film is they take parts of it way too seriously and other parts are way too campy (I know… hard to believe they take camp too far but they do). The “Germans” in the film (their main competition in show) are horrible overacted but they’re command of the German accent is impressive (and yes, I’m being sarcastic here). That said, there are many parts of the show that do actually make you laugh out loud although most of them are sight gags or physical humor but there are several lines in the film that are sure to be used in everyday conversation by those who’ve seen the movie. Also, at the end of the day, just seeing the Broken Lizard guys doing “their thing” just brings back fond memories of Super Troopers and therefore lifts some of their less than stellar work to a tolerable level in this film.

All in all, I’d recommend it if you can’t find anything else to rent if you’re looking for a comedy but it definitely wouldn’t be my first recommendation. Also, if you’re a fan of the Broken Lizard films then it’s a must see… and they even hint at their next film at the end of this one (although I’m sure it’s 100% tongue-in-cheek as I can’t see the movie they hint at actually being made… or rather distributed). And if you don’t like physical humor or “stupid” movies in general, don’t bother as you’ll just hate it.

I finally got around to watching Clerks 2 on DVD a couple nights ago and I was really looking forward to it since I’m a huge fan of Kevin Smith and his movies. As you can see by the categories that this review is in, it was both good and bad. Let’s break that down some now:

The “good” was that it holds true to the typical Kevin Smith film formula of cursing + sexy babe + geek comedy = fun movie. Some of the best parts of this movie were the “geek battles” such as the Star Wars Trilogy vs. the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and Transformers vs. Go-Bots. How many of you remember Go-Bots?!? LOL (Sadly I do but then again I was/am a geek so…) Add to that the utter hotness of Rosario Dawson looking better than she ever has and a “donkey show” gone wrong and you can’t miss!

The “bad” was the overall storyline, some rather slow “emotional” scenes, and way too little of Jay and Silent Bob. The storyline in the original Clerks was simple and that’s what it needed to be. The storyline in this film is all over the place at times but at least they bring it together at the end (soft of). The “emotional” scenes could have been shorter or at least a little funnier since a couple of them really seemed to slow the pace of the movie down quite a bit. I know this sort of stuff is needed to help garner a female audience as well but let’s face it… Kevin Smith fans, whether male or female, don’t expect this (except for in Chasing Amy which was by far his worst work unless you count Jersey Girl, lol). Lastly, Jay and Silent Bob were highly underutilized in this film in my opinion! I know they’re supposed to only be bit players in most movies but the few scenes they did have in this film rocked and only left me wanting more of their special brand of humor.

So all in all, I would have to recommend that you see it if you’re a Kevin Smith fan but if you’re not, skip it unless you like unconventional humor and hot man-on-donkey sex. ‘Nuff said.

First let me state that I’m a huge Dan Brown fan. As a matter of fact, I’ve read everything he’s ever done and found them all to be great books. I found The DaVinci Code book to be one of his best (but not the best… that would Angels and Demons) so I had high hopes for the movie. Unfortuantely, these hopes were dashed by what I saw in the theater…

In short… worst movie of the summer. I’d even go as far as to say it one was one of the worst book adaptations I’ve ever seen brought to the big screen. They changed several plot lines… adding things not in the book… shorted key scenes… completely changed the ending… and many more things I could list but would just bore the crap out of you so I won’t bother. LOL My next point would be there choice of actors. While I think most of the cast was quite fitting and well acted, I have to take issue with Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon. His performance seemed wooden and unfeeling… his hair was completely wrong for the character (and kinda scary honestly)… his emotional/sexual connection with the female lead was non-existent…. once again, could go on and on here but I won’t. Lastly, let me say that I know this wasn’t much of a movie review but given the film I’d say it was very fitting: a horrible review for a horrible movie. ‘Nuff said.