Top 10 reasons why Paris Hilton is not news… ever

She’s only famous for being famous - How the hell does that happen? I mean really!
She’s not special in any way, shape, or form - I guess she’s “special” in a short bus kinda way but that’s a whole different thing.
She’s just rich and spoiled - This in no way should make her newsworthy. She’s just like every other little rich girl out there.
Her sister Nicky is much prettier and less slutty - Why don’t we focus on her? My guess is the whole “less slutty” part…
She’s way too skinny to ever be considered attractive - I’ve never found stick figures attractive even if that may be the “in” thing at the moment.
She can’t sing - Somehow she managed to get a recording deal of course but then again so did William “She bangs… she bangs!” Hung
She can’t act - The only reason to cast her in a movie would be get it some press… which doesn’t say much for the movie to begin with if you ask me.
She’s no longer in jail - At least while she was behind bars it was entertaining to think of all the horrible things that could happen to her in there.
Her sex tape was horrible - Ask any guy who’s seen it and he’ll tell you why… that’s all I’m gonna say.
Two words: attention whore - ‘Nuff said.